👑

The Burger Kings

slip me the slider.

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The Ultimate Question

Crown of
Crowns

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?

The King of Kings. The best burger in Traverse City. One throne. One crown. One burger to rule them all.

The seat is empty. The kingdom is hungry. Only the Kings can decide.

Crown of Crowns King of Kings Best Burger in TC
The throne awaits its rightful owner. Will it be earned? Will it be contested? Only time — and the ballot — will tell.
The Constitution

Laws of
the Land

I

The Bar Sandwich

Every outing is a bar sandwich: start at one bar, eat a burger at a different location, debrief at another bar. The burger spot is predetermined — drawn from the docket in order. The Maître D' selects the before and after bars. This is not negotiable. This is sacred.

II

One Burger. No Exceptions.

The group orders one burger. The same burger. Every King, same plate. You ask the waiter one question: what's the best burger on the menu? That's what you order. No modifications. No substitutions. No negotiations.

III

The Law of the Table

You may only use condiments that are on the table or offered to you unprompted. You do not ask for condiments. The burger comes as it comes. Adapt or abdicate.

IV

Silence of the Patty

While eating, the burger does not exist. You may discuss sports, philosophy, why your knees hurt now — whatever. The burger is off-limits until every rating form is in and you're planted at the second bar.

V

The Rating

Each burger is scored across ten factors, 1 to 5. Fries and Service do not count toward The Crown — they are tiebreakers for the rankings. There are no 3s in this kingdom. You wear a crown. Act like it.

VI

The Reckoning

Forms in. Second bar reached. Now you talk. Now it matters.

The Rating System

The Official
Ballot

01
The Bun
Structural integrity, toasting, ratio. The throne upon which everything sits.
02
The Patty
The king of the kingdom. Seasoning, cook, quality. No excuses here.
03
The Supporting Cast
Cheese, sauce, toppings. Do they elevate or distract?
04
The Architecture
Balance and proportion. Does it hold together structurally and flavor-wise from first bite to last?
05
The Stack
The moment it lands on the table. You eat with your eyes first.
06
The Drip
Juiciness. Messiness as a feature. Does it earn its napkins?
07
The Mouth Feel
Texture, density, chew. How does it feel to eat this thing?
08
The Crown
Did this burger earn it? 1 = hell no. 2 = no. 4 = yes. 5 = hell yes.
TB
The Fries Tiebreaker
A burger without worthy fries is a king without a court. Doesn't count toward The Crown — but it counts when crowns collide.
TB
The Service Tiebreaker
Did the kingdom receive us well? Speed, attitude, attentiveness. Doesn't affect The Crown — but breaks ties like a royal decree.
The Scale: 1 to 5. No 3s. You wear a crown — act like it.
Fries and Service are tiebreakers only and do not count toward The Crown.
The Kingdom

The Burger
Docket

Every burger in the kingdom — past, present, and incoming. A burger averaging 4.0 or above earns The Crown. 👑

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The Crown Standard
Average 4.0 or above across the eight core categories and The Crown is yours. Fries and Service are tiebreakers only — they don't decide The Crown, they settle the fights over it. No campaigns. No lobbying. The math decides.
Completed
Lil' Bo
3.34
Mode's Bum Steer
2.98
On Deck
Slabtown Burgers
Next Up
The Queue
Brady's
Upcoming
The Burrow
Upcoming
West End Tavern
Upcoming
7 Monks
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Poppycocks
Upcoming
U&I
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Northpeak
Upcoming
The Chef's In
Upcoming
Glendale
Upcoming
North Bar
Upcoming
TCCC
Upcoming
Harington's
Upcoming
The Pub
Upcoming
Sleder's
Upcoming
Oakwood
Upcoming
J&S Hamburg
Upcoming
Bubba's
Upcoming
Towne Plaza
Upcoming
Boathouse
Upcoming
The Hammered Heifer
Upcoming
The Court

The Round-
table

Roles are held for one year. Every April 28th — the founding day of the kingdom — the court is dissolved and reformed by draft. No seat is permanent. No King is safe.

Founded April 28, 2026.

The Commissioner TC
Runs the kingdom. Settles all disputes. Calls the burger at bar one. Final word, no appeals.
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Vice Commissioner JB
Steps in when the Commish is called away on royal duties. Same authority, slightly less swagger.
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The Scheduler ML
Owns the calendar. Sends invites. Manages cadence. Keeps the kingdom moving.
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The Maître D' KM
The Bar Sandwich Chef. Selects the before bar and the after bar for each outing. The burger spot is predetermined by the docket — but the kingdom's atmosphere is entirely his doing.
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The Scorekeeper AB
Collects rating forms, tallies scores, and maintains the all-time leaderboard. The keeper of truth.
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The Historian & Webmaster JR
Documents every outing — photos, ratings recap, notable quotes. Keeps the kingdom's website current. The kingdom's memory, online and off.
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The Treasurer PL
Tracks the money, splits, and any club traditions that require a royal budget.
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Chief Legal Officer of Dubious Affairs JTR
Oversees all legal matters of the kingdom. Currently focused on one case: the assertion that adding "The" and an "s" to an existing trademark constitutes a full and complete legal transformation. The kingdom assumes no liability. Neither does he.
⚖️
The Enforcer JTT
Ensures every King settles their debts with the Treasurer. On time. No excuses. No negotiations. Currently serving an indefinite probationary period following an unauthorized absence on the kingdom's founding night. The throne is watching. The ledger is too.
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The Territory

The King-
dom

Traverse City, Michigan. Our kingdom. Every burger spot marked, every bar a waypoint. This is our land.

👑 Traverse City · The Kingdom 👑

Inspired by Between Two Buns — the San Francisco Burger Club.

They showed us the way. We brought it to Traverse City.