far from downtown, worth every mile — go support this place.
Five outings in, the kingdom finally has a Crown. A corrected ballot pushed the core-eight average past the 4.0 line — and Bergstrom's Burgers takes the throne everyone's been asking about since the site went up.
A road trip disguised as a burger outing. Bergstrom's sits well south of the kingdom's usual borders, in a stretch of Chums Corner most Kings had never had reason to visit. Seven Kings made the pilgrimage. Two stayed behind. It's exactly the kind of small, independent, family-run spot worth the drive — consider this recap a nudge to go find it yourselves.
The Maître D's pick for the after-bar landed somewhere between "audible" and "punishment." Coming off the best burger of the kingdom's young history, closing the night at an Applebee's felt less like a comedown and more like a bit. The kingdom approved.
"Eatin' Good in the Neighborhood." The kingdom cannot confirm or deny that anyone ordered off this menu.
The O-M-Cheese-Adilla Burger: part burger, part quesadilla, fully unbothered by the concept of choosing one thing. Several Kings looked at this page longer than the room was comfortable with.
Somebody's birthday got sung at the table, full staff serenade, and this happened. Straightforward birthday enthusiasm, or a coded CIA signal disguised as birthday enthusiasm? The kingdom leaves that one open.
Every single King, fully mustached, no exceptions, no survivors.
Mid-debate, pre-burger. The record-covered ceiling does a lot of heavy lifting.
Owner Tim Bergstrom came out to the table himself to talk about the place, and it changed the room. This is a burger built with real conviction — the ingredients are locally sourced with a seriousness you don't expect from a strip mall storefront, and it shows. The decor is a full-throwback 80s scrapbook: records papering the ceiling, a checkerboard floor, and enough neon-adjacent memorabilia to make the kingdom feel young again. And the milkshakes are, in the words of the ballot, "fucking unreal."
Small strip mall, real conviction. This is the kind of place the kingdom wants to keep coming back to — and wants you to go find too.
The half-pound bacon raclette burger, served in a basket with four hush puppies on the side as a standing house tradition — automatic, no upcharge, hot off the fryer. The drip was serious enough that more than one King used a hush puppy as a mop.
Fresh-cut, piping hot, and — per the ballot — the best tiebreaker fries the kingdom has scored yet.
The Supporting Cast, doing its job.
The milkshake needed its own photo. Then it needed a second one, because apparently a spoon was required.
Core-eight average: 4.04. A scoring correction on the Architecture category (the Scheduler's ballot had been transcribed wrong) moved it from 3.98 to 4.04, clearing the 4.0 threshold. The math is above; the celebration is above that.
| Category | Score |
|---|---|
| The Bun | 4.57 |
| The Patty | 4.00 |
| The Supporting Cast | 3.43 |
| The Architecture | 3.86 |
| The Stack | 3.57 |
| The Drip | 4.57 |
| The Mouth Feel | 4.29 |
| The Crown | 4.00 |
| The Fries (tiebreaker) | 4.57 |
| Thy Royal Attendant (tiebreaker) | 4.57 |
| Ambiance / Vibe (not scored toward Crown) | 3.86 |
| CORE 8 OFFICIAL AVERAGE | 4.04 |
Fries and Service are tiebreakers only and never count toward The Crown. Ambiance/Vibe is tracked but excluded from both The Crown and Find Your Feast — Bergstrom's is the second restaurant to record it, alongside H&L Social.
"The drip…you know it's good when you're using your hush puppies to soak up the drip from the burger as garnish! This unassuming strip mall location outside of town delivers one of the best burger experiences in the area."
"Approaching from the street, I was confused. Nestled between fast food strongholds and two doors from a smoke shop, I wasn't sure if I'd be eating burgers or donating a kidney. Then Tim came over and told his story. This is a hidden gem — you've built a burger big house."
"If you gave me automatic hush puppies with a plate of lima beans, I'd be happy. With a burger? I'm a pig in slop."
Asked what temperature the burgers were cooked to, the server said medium — and when a King questioned it, she didn't blink: "When you see something, say something."
Every outing starts as a group chat spiraling slightly out of control. A few highlights from the thread that planned this one:
Reservations made for 7:15pm as they close at 8pm… quick drink at Terra Firma at 6:45 (for those who can make it) then a long debrief.
Oreo Shake time 😎. Hammered Heifer?? Where is first spot?
We're going so far from home that our best bet for bar #2 is an Applebee's? Last Applebee's I went to was in Alamogordo, NM. Basically the same distance as Chums.
I'm the most excited about Applebee's bar.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Somewhere in the group chat, a real question got a real answer: what happens when someone brings a guest? Per the Vice Commissioner, the only protocol currently on the books is that any guest must wear a tiny, uncomfortable, unmistakably expensive-looking crown for the duration of the outing. He has, somehow, been entrusted with keeping it safe.
The kingdom would also like to submit these two photos as Exhibit A and Exhibit B in the ongoing matter of the Vice Commissioner's missing mustache. Same crown. Same wall. Same deeply unbothered expression. One mustache. It was there. Then it wasn't. No further questions were answered at this time. Anyone still planning to invite a Burger Queen to the rumored Prom Night should plan accordingly — crown, not mustache, required.
The Chief Legal Officer's cover is blown, sort of. A running bit surfaced accusing him of secret CIA work — supported, apparently, by a story about hanging off the back of a fire truck in Montana that was a little too well-rehearsed to be innocent.
Some Kings ordered like they were five. Milkshakes gone and a full basket of fries demolished before the burgers even hit the table. No regrets reported.
The kingdom confirmed it is, in fact, a socialist state. The bill got split evenly across the table — Kings who don't drink pay what the table is now calling the health tax.
Guest policy under review. Table talk turned to the rules around bringing guests, which fed directly into an early proposal for a Burger Kings Prom Night, guest list to include the Burger Queens.
In absentia: word reached the table that the Vice Commissioner has, somehow, lost his mustache. No further details. An investigation may or may not follow.